Naughty Stealing Anteater

Set somewhere (hopefully) after my college career in an alternate parallel universe, this is my son, Frankie, Jr., asking me about this "NSA" he keeps hearing about on the news, which his older brother forgot to change to Nickelodeon before he left. So grounded. I don't think he's old enough to wrap his mind around the deep ethical problems and complex terms associated with the NSA, so I came up with a lighter, more kid-friendly way to tell him about it, just so he has some inkling of what's happening.

N.B. Pictures are to come. I had some difficulties in translating my drawn pictures to the computer, so I hope to have that soon.

Aaaand... action!

...

FJ: Daddy, daddy!
Me: Yes, son?
FJ: What's the NSA?
Me: Um, wait, what? Where did you hear that?
FJ: On that channel that big brother always watches.
Me: Dammit, Frankie III. Well, son, come sit over here. I'll tell you all about the NSA...

Frankie, Jr. ran over excitedly to sit on my lap, eager to hear about the NSA. Why? Well, I have no idea. In fact, it's so odd that he decided to pay any attention to the news. It's almost as if some college student made this story up to illustrate a point for the very first assignment in a professor's (We'll call him "Vinsel) Computers & Society class... Nah, that's way too unlikely and specific. Anyway, at least I don't have to explain the Obama-Syria crisis to him!

Me: Okay, well, here we go...

"There once was a mean, lying animal that lived in the USA. His name was the Naughty Stealing Anteater, but everybody called him 'NSA' for short. The NSA used to travel across the USA, using his long, sticky tongue to steal secrets from all of the animals in the USA. Then, he --"

FJ: Daddy?
Me: Yes, son...?
FJ: Why did the NSA stole these things from the animals in his land?
Me: Well, first of all, it's steal, son. But to answer your question, it's because the NSA had been given so much power on the basis that what it was doing was good for the USA's public's safety that it began to take drastic liberties in abusing those powers, always reverting to a hypocritical, trite excuse that the President is apparently too timid to deal with.
FJ: What...?
Me: Uh... just keep listening.

"Anyway, the NSA thought that everyone in the USA was trying to hurt the land, even the nice animals that never did a bad thing in their life. So, he continued to use his tongue to take secrets from the animals' cell phones and computers. 

Nobody was happy that the NSA could see what they were talking about and didn't think that the NSA had the right to use his tongue to steal information. 

But one day, some evil pelicans knocked down two tall block towers in the city, and the animals were scared. Even during this scary time, the NSA didn't care. He told the animals of the USA that he was going to keep stealing their secrets because he didn't want any more block towers to fall. But that was just an excuse, and the NSA tricked the King into letting him continue!"

FJ: Wait, Daddy, why would he use the scary thing that happened to trick the King?
Me: Well, son, it's because it allowed him to spy on the animals. By tricking the King, he could keep stealing secrets.
FJ: I don't really like him...
Me: No one does, son. Now, let's get to the end!
FJ: Okay!

"For years after the block towers fell, the NSA stole more secrets than he ever has before. The animals were angry, because they wanted to keep their secrets; they wanted privacy. But the animals couldn't really prove that the NSA was always watching them and taking their secrets.

So, one day, Mr. Snowman, who was the NSA's only friend, saw that the NSA was about to take somebody's secret. So, Mr. Snowman blew his whistle and the whole USA heard it! The King and all of the animals rushed out and finally found out that the NSA was taking so many secrets and wasn't even helping the land!"

FJ: That bastard!
Me: Hey, watch your mouth! Listen, if you can stay tight for the ending, I won't punish you for that.
FJ: Okay...

"The animals became even angrier! And this time, so did the King, too! He now knew the NSA was lying to him the whole time! But for some reason, the King didn't do anything! The NSA continued to steal secrets, and still does to this day! The end."

FJ: That was a bad ending...
Me: Yes it was! In fact, there really isn't an ending. The USA is still waiting for the King to do something about the NSA's spying. For some reason, nothing has happened yet! So, Frankie, Jr., just be careful in the future when you use the computer or phone. Something like the NSA could be watching you and steal your secrets!
FJ: I'm getting a computer?!
Me: No. Go in the dining room. Mom just said dinner's ready!

Frankie, Jr. ran off, completely oblivious to any of the points I tried to make. If anything, he doesn't like the NSA, the anteater version, and really doesn't like being spied on, so that's good. Hopefully by the time he's ready to use these devices and such, things will have changed. But trust me: I won't hold my breath. Ooh! I have to go! Dinner's ready. Don't want Francesa to be mad.