Der Teddybär

Der Teddybär:

A Traditional German Fairy Tale (translated to English)

by Andrew

It’s the birthday today of little Johnny McDevon .

He’s having a party because he’s turning seven.

After the cake and the clown comes great suspense.

He’s dying to open all of his presents.

Toy cars, a toaster, and a lame sketch pad.

There’s one more left from mom and dad.

The tag on the gift says “NSA Toy Shop.”

There is blue wrapping paper and a ribbon on top.

He opens the box and nearly falls out of his chair.

Inside lies a fluffy brown teddy bear.

Johnny loves the bear all the way down to his paws.

He decides to name the teddy bear Klaus.

All day Johnny and Klaus play make pretend.

Soon enough the two were very best friends.

To school, the playground, and even the fair,

Johnny would go and so would the bear.

All his secrets and jokes Johnny would confide.

Klaus listened intently, never blinking an eye.

Then one evening, after a long day of school,

Johnny comes home and wants to hop in the pool.

He puts on his floaties and SPF 10.

Klaus and Johnny run and jump in.

When he surfaces, something is the matter.

Klaus is smoldering and sparking, because, up until this point, Johnny hadn’t realized that there were internal electrical components within the teddy bear.  (This line doesn’t translate to English smoothly).

Johnny runs inside screaming and crying.

“Mommy! Mommy!” he exclaims, “Klaus is dying!”

Mrs. McDevon consoles him and says “No need to cry.”

“Inside Klaus is a listening and GPS tracking device.”

Johnny asks his mom, “What does this do?”

Then mom replies, “It’s intended to protect you.”

Mrs. McDevon then continues, though no one asked her to,

“This bear tells us about everything about you.”

“Who you talk to, the duration, and how many times per day,”

“And with a FISA court order, even the words you say.”

Johnny was stunned, completely taken aback.

With justification from the fourth amendment these actions did lack.

Johnny’s mother then cackled and her head spun completely ‘round.

And in a poof of smoke, McDevon was nowhere to be found.

Left dazed and confused by this lack of transparency.

Johnny went and complained to the local state congressman.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This is a "German Fairy Tale" I wrote to help children understand how the NSA works.  It provides a parallel scenario in which parents can refer to when trying to describe the National Security Agency to their children.  I started this, got a couple verses in, and then realized how difficult it was to try and rhyme while also getting my point across.  I then spend an hour debating on whether I should do the terms of service in stead.    -Andrew M.