U.S. Terms of Service

U.S. Terms of Service

By using the internet within the United States, you are agreeing to abide by the U.S. Constitution as well as these little tidbits that may or may not be covered in the U.S. Constitution and may even give up certain rights granted to you by its amendments (specifically amendments 1 and 4). If you do not agree with what shall be detailed in these terms, then you forfeit your right to use the internet, perhaps one of the greatest tools mankind has in its grasp.

1. User Rights and Responsibilities
1. Proper Usage
   Users are expected to abide by the following guidelines when using the internet:
1. No spamming. Let's be honest, spam messages can build up in a single person's inbox. Now imagine spam, but for the whole entire population of the United States. We simply do not have the time and resources to collect such worthless things and therefore will not allow you to flood our servers when we can be looking for hackers, terrorists, psychopaths, etc.
2. No drug dealing. We already have issues trying to crack down on drug deals in real life, we don't need to add to that. Besides, alcohol is a much better way of dealing with your problems.
3. No child pornography. The children are our future, and it's bad enough that the younger generations are already fucked up as is. Hell, we didn't even have the internet when growing up!
4. No cursing or 1337 speak. Keep the internet readable and professional.
5. No flame wars.
6. No religious debates. There shouldn't even be a religious debate because it's one nation under God.
7. No joining of anonymous or any other rebellious groups.
8. No copyright infringement.
9. No scams.
2. Accountability for Online Actions, Behavior, and Conduct
   You are held accountable for anything and everything that you do on the internet. Even if you leave your computer for a moment and someone hacks your facebook status saying something grievous against the U.S. It's your account--do what you can to protect it (there's a reason why there's a lock function in Windows)
3. Privacy Policy
   Let's be honest--there is no privacy policy. We collect all your data to ensure that you are not a threat to the U.S. government and its people. Don't like? Move somewhere else.
4. Payment
   We'll leave all financial dealings with whatever Internet Service Provider you choose. However, should you be fined for anything you did that goes against these terms, we'll send you a physical letter.
5. Opt-Out Policy
   Should you decide that you do not wish to use the Internet anymore, you will be allowed to do so. However, none of the data we collected from you shall be deleted, and will be kept on record.
2. Disclaimer
   The U.S. government is not responsible for any damages that you incur due to internet use.
3. Notification of Modified TermsShould these terms be amended or change, you will be notified in e-mail regarding the changes. Of course, you probably won't care considering that you'll probably just click accept so that you can stalk your friends and their friends on facebook or twitter.