Okay This Is Really Weird

I just opened up Google Chrome to make my blog post for this week when this weird window titled "UNITED STATES CYBERPRIVACY TERMS OF SERVICE" popped up and made me click Accept just to advance through. It was really long but I wanted to post a part of it that I thought was really interesting:

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TITLE III. REVIEWED COMMUNICATIONS AND SEARCH QUERIES

A. In accordance with this contract, agreeing to our terms of service fully waives your rights to privacy when using this Internet browser within the mainland United States, Hawaii, Puerto Rico, and Guantanamo Bay. A registered United States citizen or foreign visitor can assume that the following communications have been intercepted, processed, and reviewed:

1. Personal or work related email messages
2. Instant messages sent through a third party provider (such as Google)
3. Facebook statuses and comments
4. YouTube comments and video descriptions
5. Tumblr Posts
6. Wikipedia edits
7. In-game messages within the context of a Massive Multiplayer Online Role Playing Game
8. Answers to Internet questions on sites such as Yahoo! Answers and StackOverflow
9. Unfinished drafts of messages that are deleted before being sent
10. Whatever it says in the input field when everyone else sees “So-and-so is typing…”

B. Please be aware that, due to manpower and budgetary constraints, the following communications were deemed “out of scope” for surveillance.

1. Questions and replies within Reddit “Ask Me Anything” sessions

C. The following search queries, as well as the results that you choose, are monitored procedurally by filters built into your browser. You can expect your searches to be reviewed whenever you use the following Internet services:

1. Google
2. Google Images
3. Google Maps
4. Google Build-A-Bomb
5. YouTube
6. Wikipedia
7. Yahoo!

For those who prefer to keep their search results private, please note that not even the National Security Agency cares about Bing.

D. Additionally, be aware that your mobile phone is under constant surveillance as well. Citizens are asked to keep phone calls brief as a favor to National Security Agents who are listening in. The following communications are monitored on a 24/7 basis:

1. Phone calls
2. Voice messages
3. Mobile app reviews
4. Sexts, nexts, dexts, and any other portmanteau of “text” and another word

TITLE  IV. DISCLAIMER

This act of information gathering and surveillance by the United States of America’s National Security Agency does not guarantee any of the following items:

A. ACTUALLY CAPTURING TERRORISTS OR SUSPICIOUS INDIVIDUALS BEFORE THEY DO SOMETHING NEFARIOUS

Although the National Security Agency may have “high confidence” or even a “confirmation” that an individual under our surveillance will attempt a terrorist attack in the near future, this knowledge does not guarantee that they will be stopped from hurting American civilians. The National Security Agency cannot be expected to do anything besides listen in on phone calls and read emails, including (but not limited to):

1. Warning federal agencies of the suspicious person(s)
2. Warning local police of the suspicious person(s)
3. Warning anyone at all about anything, at all
4. Doing something about it ourselves 

To those who may be considering or are already involved in terrorist activity, the following guidelines should help you avoid detection by our foreign and domestic surveillance agents:

• Try avoiding using the Internet as a communication tool. If you must use the Internet to communicate with other terrorists, suppliers, planners, or other kinds of conspirators, consider using euphemisms for “buzz words.” For example, a “bomb” can be a “package.” This allows your communication to be filed and stored alongside normal American idle chitchat, greatly reducing your chances of being detected.
• Consider similar avoidance patterns on phone calls. Whenever possible, try to mask any “terrorist” accent you may have. If you have to ask yourself "Do I sound like a terrorist?", it is very likely that you do. See our self-help guide here at www.nsa.gov/howtospeakamerican.
• Meeting up in person is a fun way to spend time with like-minded individuals and plan destructive mayhem.

B. AN END TO WAR

With the advent of "cyber war", it is understandable to assume that Internet espionage will take the place of actual physical war, preventing hundreds of thousands of deaths each year. This could not be further from the truth. Although the National Security Agency maintains implants around the globe in Saudi Arabia, Pakistan, Afghanistan, Hoboken, and other terrorist safe havens, this is not enough to demonstrate American superiority. The United States government reserves the right to commence airstrikes, seastrikes, and/or landstrikes against any nation that appears often enough in the news. The reason for such a strike may include:

1. Wanting to prove to disagreeing nations that we do not need their help
2. Wanting to prove to disagreeing Congressmen that we do not need their approval
3. Merely wanting to puff out the nation’s proverbial chest 

We trust you will understand our position on this issue and humbly ask that you take caution when deciding whether or not to live in these countries.

C. THE USE OF SURVEILLANCE TO PREVENT CATASTROPHE

In the event that the National Security Agency is informed of incoming attacks or inclement terrorist actions that place innocent American or foreign civilian lives at risk, this contract in no way guarantees that anything will be done to stop said action. It is imperative that citizens be constantly prepared for terrible things to still occur in remote areas of the world, despite the fact that surveillance agents have full knowledge of when they will occur days or weeks in advance.

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It goes on from there for a while, but I just thought you guys might want to take a second glance at that part. I have to admit I didn't really feel like reading the whole thing when I saw it first either, but it's good to know what you're agreeing to when you log online, don't you think?