Internet TOS

In using the internet, you, the user, are hereby acknowledging that you have read and agreed to the following terms as put forth by the United States National Security Agency :

While using internet services, you will be subjected to the tracking and recording of your internet usage habits. This may include: browsing history, web search history, emails, downloads, uploads, torrents, videos watched, comments made, social media posts, “personal” uses, etc. While you are online, nearly everything a user can do on the internet can be collected.

Phone calls and phone activity may also be recorded and stored as metadata, which may not be the actual phone conversation, but all the other pertinent details. While not legally searchable, this can still be analyzed and interpreted to gather information on users. The authority to collect domestic information was granted in 2001 under the Bush administration, and gradually increased authority over time, and thus, the above actions are legal.  

Internet users are required to adhere to proper conduct during online activities. Websites that conflict with the views of the NSA or the US government may be shut down or blocked from user access at our discretion. Torrenting and illegal downloads of intellectual properties found during data collection may be subject to fine or arrest. Regular usage of internet will include research, legally obtained entertainment, or communication with acquaintances. Failure to meet this standard may result in more intensive inspection by NSA agents. If you have done nothing wrong, then you have nothing to fear. Any attempts to hide internet usage footprints may be deemed suspicious behavior.

By agreeing to these terms, you consent that this information may be collected and inspected without notification beyond this TOS message. This information may be handed over to the DEA, FBI, or IRS for use in their investigations into criminal activity. Any suspicious activity found in internet posts or search terms deemed illegal or potentially harmful to the public may be subject to further investigation or inquiry by proper authorities. Any attempts to collaborate or organize in opposition to the United States Government may also be considered hostile and subject to similar treatment.

International data may also be collected and legally inspected and analyzed. According to United States law, there are no legal restrictions on communications of Non-American persons. Non-American internet and phone usage may be subjected to increased scrutiny, and may be identified as potential threats. This is done to protect from any potential terrorist collaborations.

The use of social media sites (facebook, twitter, tumblr, etc.), while not required, are highly encouraged.  This will allow us easier access to your information, much of which is freely given. The NSA also urges the completion of facebook/twitter/youtube profile information, giving succinct data on each user. Usage of products by Google, Microsoft and Verizon are also encouraged. These companies have willingly cooperated with the NSA to facilitate data collection through their products, such as Windows, Skype, and Gmail.  

The collected data is not required to be divulged to the public under the Freedom of Information Act. The information the NSA has is for the use of the protection of the American people. Any breach in that security may compromise the goals of the NSA, and the security of the public. Any leaking of NSA information or data shall be considered illegal and treasonous.

By agreeing, you are also waiving your fourth amendment rights and agree to allow these searches and data acquisitions to occur. This is done for your own safety and the safety of the American people for the prevention of terrorist activities. Privacy is a necessary sacrifice for the price of freedom and security.