"Bing Finally Shows a Profit", Lol

I recently read this article. The headline made me laugh out loud: “Bing Finally Shows a Profit”

Bing is this search engine made by Microsoft that’s kind of a joke. There’s nothing inherently terrible about it, but it does not stand a chance against Google. Google is without a doubt the most popular search engine in the world. As a society, we have chosen Google. It is what everyone turns to for an immediate answer on anything, and now “google” is even a commonly heard verb: “Let me google that”.

Because Bing does nothing significant that Google doesn’t already do, it’s a laughing-stock and people hate it. That’s also probably because the name “Bing” sucks. To illustrate people’s negative feelings towards Bing, please read the interview with a random stranger that I imagined below. I didn’t actually interview anyone about Bing, but I think if I did, this is how it would probably go.

Me: Excuse sir, have you ever used B--- [starts to laugh]

Stranger: What’s that?

Me: Oh sorry. I’m having trouble keeping a straight face while I’m asking you about Bing because it’s so stupid.

Stranger: Ah, Bing? You mean Bing Crosby, the best-selling American recording artist famous for the song White Christmas? That’s the first thing I think of when I hear “Bing”. Definitely not some shitty search engine.

Me: Oh, I was actually talking about a shitty search engine, Bing. Have you used it?

Stranger: Nope, I can’t say that I’ve ever googled anything on Bing.

Me: Okay lol thanks for your time.

See? Even though I made up this interview, it demonstrates an important point: Bing has some huge hurdles to pass if it wants to eclipse Google. It is nowhere near a household name. Even if a person used Bing once, they would probably say they “googled it on bing”. (“binged it” sounds stupid.) Even the author of the article “Bing Finally Shows a Profit”, uses the word “finally” in the title like it’s obvious that Bing hasn’t been profiting yet.

So since Bing sucks so much, you’re probably wondering how the whole finally showing a profit thing is possible. Microsoft starting doing what any good business trying to push a bad product would do: trick people into using the product.

The article mentions that a sizeable part of the increase in revenue from Bing that Microsoft is seeing is a result of Bing being the default search engine used by Cortana, the digital assistant on Windows 10 devices. So unsuspecting, innocent people are asking Cortana for help with things expecting to get quality Google results, but instead they’re getting Bing.

It makes sense that this is the reason Bing is doing better. It’s good to know that few people are voluntarily using Bing. I think that most people who use Bing probably have it as their default search engine on their web browser, and it’s just too much effort to figure out how to change it. I’d be surprised if anyone actually ever typed in the URL “bing.com”.

As a Google-loving society, let’s all hope that news of Bing starting to profit will inspire more people to take a few minutes to switch their default search engine from Bing.

Microsoft, if you really want us to forget about Google and love Bing, you’re going to have to have to give us a good reason.