I read an article that focused on online and mobile dating. It is no secret that Match.com and eHarmony.com have been around for a while. You can make an account, upload a few pictures, then answer loads of questions about yourself and what you're looking for. Then you let the "experts" and "scientists" at the site and the universe, whatever you believe in, find potential partners for you to communicate with and possibly date. This works/doesn't work as much as you'd expect.
But, an innovation in online dating emerged about two years ago in a smartphone app called Tinder. Tinder cuts out the middle-man of individuals working at Match and eHarmony sorting through the possibile matches for you in their database. Instead, you create a profile of anywhere from 1-6 pictures from your Facebook account, you must sign up through Facebook, and a short biography you write about yourself. It then finds people in your area with no filter besides, location, age, an gender. Profiles pop up on your screen and if you are interested in what you see, you swipe to the right, if not, you swipe to the left. If two people both swipe right to each other, Tinder sends a notification that they "liked" each other and they are then free to message each other. That quick. That easy. Similar apps have come along, but Tinder pioneered this movement and is dominant right now.
After reading this article about Tinder's convenience, I got to thinking about common themes people note when discussing the downsides to the technology take-over in our generation. I feel this phenomenon includes some major concerns.
Match and eHarmony sift through million of profiles and produce hopeful partners based on compatibility and this leads to less number of matches but with more substance from the start, while Tinder starts with nothing but looks and a short bio-- maybe some impressions from the pictures-- and gives you more (hopefully) matches with less substance. When you step back and look at online dating, you'd think that this is something that one would prefer quality over quantity. When looking for a partner, you want a special someone, not a dime-a-dozen. But, Tinder makes it easier to get matches and meet people, and that's what we want as a society, convenience through our technology. We, in essence, "to hell with answering inconvenient questions that take time to get back to me but might find a better connection, I want options now and I'll make a quick decision based on first impression and see where it goes."
Another worry with advancing technology is that we spend too much time on our smartphones phones. This one is simple. Tinder only exists on mobile phones so if we now date through the phone, this increases time spent on it because the only way to find and communicate with potential partners is through your phone. In my eyes, this is genius on Tinder's part because they acknowledged how much people are on their phones and their demographic-- which started 18-25 but now has grown to an older audience over time-- is extremely interested in dating so they put these stereotypes together to create another app that draws people to their phone.
The third trend that people warn of is the loss of face-to-face interaction. We spend so much time messaging, snapchatting, and tweeting each other that we don't have much to talk about in person nor the social skills to do so. This has extended to dating now. With these services, specifically Tinder, there isn't as much of a need to go out and meet people that might spark a love interest. Dating sites take away from this but may find someone who is too far away that you wouldn't have met anyway. Tinder, focuses on a radius around you that you can specify. These contestants are near you and are possible people you'd meet at a bar, coffee shop, etc. Past that, the first, awkward stages of talking to someone are taken out because it can be done through your phone. It's no secret that this is less personable because facial expressions, body language, and behavioral nuances are removed from the first stages of meeting a new person. You can talk as long as you want through the app before actually meeting face-to-face. These people lose the opportunity to communicate in person with someone they hope to date.
When I think of fears we as a society have with integrating technology into our lives more and more, the three I immediately think of are convenience, losing interpersonal interaction, and the increasing attachment to smartphones and other devices. Here, Tinder epitomizes all three and that is troublesome because if the way we meet and date people is changed, interaction and connection will be lost in dating on so many levels. This is one activity I feel needs patience to really get to know somebody, but Tinder robs us of that chance.
I've actually been thinking about this a lot lately, and I think that you've hit the nail on the head. Tinder (and other such dating apps) completely encapsulates the typical criticisms/potential consequences of our technology. I think the biggest problem of the three which you mentioned, however, is the lack of ability to have face-to-face interaction without it being really awkward. The fact that text messaging allows you to not respond right away (gives you time to think about your response) makes it a really easy form of communication when you're in a situation in which you're talking to a new person (especially if it's a potentially "romantic" situation). However, this convenience takes away the need to be witty or quick on your feet as you would need to be in face to face interaction. For that matter, it even takes away the need to be able to start a conversation with somebody out of thin air like you would if you were to just approach them in person. This de-evolution is, as you stated, due to the overuse of text messaging for communication with new people. But beyond this, I feel that texting people has made us forget something fairly fundamental: initial encounters are almost supposed to be awkward. I mean, yes, in the days before technology, people may have been better at starting/holding conversations in person. But that feeling of awkwardness was commonplace, so it wasn't a big deal. People now are so used to the convenience of texting that that awkward feeling seems like a big deal to them, when really it isn't. When you meet somebody for the first time, there should be this unspoken mutual knowledge that, yes, this may be awkward for a little bit, but you just have to kind of ignore it and move past it; that's just how social interactions are in the real world, there's nothing wrong with it.
ReplyDeleteSo, to be more concise, I think that beyond devolving our social skills, this screen-based communication has altered our expectations for initial contact with a person to the point that we make a situation out to be more awkward than it actually is. Yes, people seem to rarely be very witty in person compared to their on-screen persona, but if we put away the initial awkwardness and settle into a bit of a sense of comfort, I think that wit and social skills will find their way back into a person's real-life (as opposed to texting) social repertoire.
I agree with you that Tinder is a very promising and more practical when it comes to online dating. While the compatibility matches and the algorithms are very extensive on dating websites, Tinder allows users more freedom. You can interact with many more people, and kind of go through the awkward stages of getting to know them over text. While it can be argued that Tinder is not as successful as eharmony and match.com, it is a lot more user dependent as it only provides users with pictures and a short bio. It forces people who match to get to know each other a little better. It is a little bit more realistic as far as dating as you can find out after a few minutes or a few weeks that you don't like the person.
ReplyDeleteLastly, I like your points about how face to face interaction is diminished by the whole process. While this is a social skill that most people are losing, the ability to quickly get to know multiple people allows you a higher success chance. As you said quantity over quality. I think ultimately there are three options...Tinder, match.com or similar sites, or the old fashion way of asking someone out on a date. I think the latter option is slowly dying out and becoming more and more of a formality as many people already have some form of a relationship thanks to technology.
I think you're missing something here - and trust me, it's not just you, but rather society as a whole - and that thing is that social media interaction is still interaction. Yes, there is perhaps a slightly different etiquette since you're probably more likely to say certain things on the internet versus to someone's face, but in the end, you are still interacting with someone, it's just a different form of interaction.
ReplyDeleteThese websites and apps also have different purposes. Tinder can be used as a dating app, true, but lots of people use it for casual encounters as well. The opposite can be said of eHarmony and Match.com -- while lots of people use it for dating, some do use it for hook-ups. Regardless of a user's intentions in what they're trying to set up, they are still seeking to meet an Actual Real Person using electronic means. Truly, I don't think this is that much different than a blind date, and at least this time you have some idea of what to expect.